Thursday, September 30, 2010

...and I'm Back Because...?

Yeah, don't really know why back here writing another post. I just did a whole lot of reading as review for my Chem test. I should sleep cause I have a 10:05am class--but I'm in the zone for this right now.

I sometimes wonder if I have insomnia, but I can sleep if I really choose to. I'm afflicted by a mental form of insomnia where I'm too preoccupied to want to sleep, when I really should. Perhaps, it's just one of those nights. This week has been pretty stressful so far, and I'm not one to stress. But between two tests, a quiz, a paper, working in the stacks, homework, and "fraternity matters"--there are not nearly enough hours in the day for me to accomplish everything I'd like to.

I want to re-organize the furniture in my room.
I want to write every night, consistently. It's really enjoyable for me and I like to think that I'm doing something productive.
I want to clean up my room and organize my stuff.
I want to go and do some grocery shopping.

But at the end of the day, where can I fit these in? It is highly possible I'm just poorly managing my time, but unlike last year, I have a 5 day week of classes. Atleast right here, right now I've found an artist that fits the tone of my night: MuteMath. Song is "Valium."

I remember in high school, every night, I'd only sleep after 2am, earliest. I'd just be sitting in my room either reading or just finding some solace in my vast iTunes library[recently passed the 8k songs mark]. I wish there was a Genius tool on iTunes where it automatically searches for and acquires music I'd like. I really do enjoy learning about new bands and whatnot. But it's really tough to find that time and still keep up with old artists. I did a bit today, but man, it's work.

I'm scouring my tired and weary head for something useful I can give to whatever awesome person is reading this, cause if you actually follow or atleast try to, I appreciate your appreciation. Hmm...

I want to say something even semi-wise without regurgitating something else or babbling. [Insert staring into space]. My window is cracked open, because although my building has A/C, apparently they forgot what its purpose is. And I hear cars going by, sounds like they drove through puddles. It is a curious thought, why people are driving around at 3:21am. You know what, maybe, like me, they're unable to allow themselves sleep. And wanted to just go for a drive.

I think next time, I will go for a drive. Anyone who has a license, and doesn't like driving--just stop. Let's empty the roads a little for people like me who enjoy it. I just wish there weren't as many rules in regards to stuff like speed. It's nice to hit the gas a little with the air blowing into the car. It's refreshing. But nope, not with Campus PD. Even a walk would be chill, but I'd look like a creeper or something. I'd actually even enjoy sleeping outdoors. Anyone want to go CAMPING? takers? Ok. That's cool. I don't mind a solitary trip.

Switched it up, Coldplay's "Spies" is the soundtrack as I just type here to myself. Maybe someone will have read this far. But chances are they haven't. I did state this blog would include rambles, so you can't say you weren't warned. I just like to write my mind/thoughts. I wish I could write songs, that'd be pretty dope. There's a lot of "I wish" skills I have, but I've yet to master any completely. I'm a jack of all trades? Nah. Part time jack of some trades. Hahaha. That's more fitting. Whatever my title, I want to actually say something with conviction or meaning now.

Thank goodness for, it always has something relevant. And in this case, it didn't even require any leg work since it was on the front page.

"“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” -Lewis Carroll

I liked that a lot. I feel like we all encounter times where we're unsure of what to do or where we're even going with something. Unless it's of vital importance we reach a specific point, I think we should just sit back and enjoy the ride. Life's a funny thing like that. You never know where you may end up in a week from now. A month from now. A year from now. This goes for anything: jobs, relationships, self-image, life goals, etc. 

Try not to stress too much. Life goes on. It's never over until it's over. And as much as you may disagree, you never HAVE to do anything, there's just a little of things we think we SHOULD do. Don't confuse the two.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"No Winter Lasts Forever, No Spring Skips Its Turn."

So it appears right now that my posts are coming at once a week...WHICH SUCKS. I get so many ideas and inspirations throughout the week, but I'm practically drowning in work. Unlike last year, I have to actually dedicate time to do work; I know, it sucks. But I'm going to hopefully have my burden lightened by this weekend. I get to play some catch-up. Whatever, screw it.

I'm here now. Let's not get picky.

For tonight's post, I'm going to first include the song that partially inspired me: Heard 'Em Say. The other inspiration came from a conversation with a very good friend of mine--they know who they are.

Well, as we all know, the start of school also coincides with the start of a season, Fall, that not too many people are fond of. This is not to say, that everyone is a part of the Anti-Autumn movement. But aside from the cooler weather, start of school, and end of summer, there are deeper reasons that have turned quite a few against this particular season.

Kanye: They say people in your life are seasons,
And anything that happen is for a reason.

To many, Autumn not only brings school, but gloomier weather and cloudier skies. The overall tone, is not a very hopeful or happy one. Summer, which we can assume is the season of happiness, swimming pools, BBQs, hanging out with friends, going to the beach, and all that good stuff--is over. What makes it worse, is that for most, summer goes by fairly quick while the rest of the year drags. And if it wasn't enough that the warm weather and good times are coming to end, we are left to a season that involves the life and nature all around us slowly wither away, until we are at Winter's doorstep.

And let's be frank, Winter is the season of death, desolation, and depression. This is the season where the trees and flowers we once climbed and picked, are (sorry T.I.) "Dead and Gone." You don't wake up to birds or see as many wild animals, because they've all gotten the memo that there's nothing left for them until Spring. Spring, is the season where the cycle can restart. Life can start anew. We see the budding plants and fruits starting to come in. The wildlife returns. Everything back on track...oh. And school's almost out.

All things considered, Fall got the worst hand out of all the seasons. Spring is a very sensitive but hopeful season, hence all the crying(rain). Summer is just a party animal. And winter is cold and heartless, so it doesn't really care about what people think. But still, we have Autumn, trying to be liked and enjoyed--but everyone knows it's a precursor to winter. And like most things, the anticipation of something unenjoyable can oft be worse then that "thing," itself. We all know what Autumn signifies the downward spiral towards Winter.

I get it. Really. I do. It's hard to be cheerful and optimistic when everything around is "Fall"-ing apart. [I know it's really lame and cheesy, but I couldn't help myself.] There is actually science that supports the correlation between weather and mood, paralleling colder/drearier weather with sadness. But one thing I urge you to remember is, that it all has a purpose. That there is a bigger picture that we can't see. Yeah, it's not always easy--especially when we let our imaginations, hypotheticals, and worries get the best of us.

The Autumn is leading us to winter, where it does appear that all is lost. but not everything dies. There are plants/trees that soldier on through with minimal resources or support. but year after year, decade after decade, they survive. I've never been a plant, but I can't imagine it's easy to make it through one winter, knowing that it's only a few months until they have to go again. But much like nature, perhaps this time of the year is the time where we realize what's worth keeping in our lives and what we can write off as extraneous. Like the evergreens, we can't escape the seasons...actually, we can relocate. But that doesn't have the same emotional or inspirational value. But on a more serious note, as opposed to fighting the feelings, maybe we can harness it and use it for our own good. None of us have our lives together 100%, atleast none of you that I know. Haha. We all have baggage and issues and insecurities. Now is the time to re-evaluate and realize what we should fight for and protect, and what we can let go of.

By doing so, we can not only shed much of the unneeded burdens we've been shouldering for so long, but perhaps it will put the things that matter to us, in a new light of appreciation. Help us remember that as much as we all have skeletons in our closet and anchors weighing us down, there are aspects of our life that we can be grateful for. As bad as you have it, we don't know how much better that may be than another person's life.

I'm going to close with this:

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”

-Anne Bradstreet

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Music to my Ears.

This is a mini-post of sorts. I got a Blogger app for my Droid. So maybe mini-posts will be a thing? Who knows, I dont. You guys know my consistency varies. "/

Anyways, I'm listening to my iPod, specifically Dear and the Headlights, a band I really like and am revisiting. Both albums: Drunk Like Bible Times and Small Steps, Heavy Hooves are great. Awesome song line-ups on both. I wouldnt necessarily say that the vocals are the selling point as much as the style, lyrics, and instruments...but thats my take.

Anyways, I've always considered music to be an integral component of my life. Seriously. Ask anyone who knows me, I almost always have music playing. And as my iPod is going, I am thinking about how I usually have songs to tie to emotions and experiences. This goes as far as certain songs being so closely linked at times to negative memories, I either delete them or just avoid listening.

Branching off of that, I thought about people, who when asked, have no particular preference or opinion and opt out with, "whatever is on the radio." Now, I won't lie. I will listen to the radio on occasion to see what's on if I forgot my iPod--but I can in no way, rely on that as my sole source of music. They repeat the same friggin' song so often. I've switched stations to avoid an overplayed song, only to find it on three other stations as well!

Now given my ties and my necessity to relate music to my life, I wonder how anyone could settle like that. I suppose what I want to know is, are people who only listen to music because it's catchy(which, let's be real, all radio music is essentially), emotionally/artistically/mentally more primitive? Or is this just me being pretentious? I mean, it's not as if people dont have access to music via other means. How can they not care to listen to music on a deeper level?

I don't know. What do you think? I don't mean to offend, I'm really at a loss for an explanation. If you only like "catchy music," please enlighten me.

Rant, over.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Switchin' Gears.

Bright House by Seabear. [The song I liked most that played while I was writing.]

So, I suppose I should come up with a title for my post, post-post. Cause otherwise, I may end up wanting to write something totally different, but restrict myself unnecessarily and force a post instead. You know? I apologize for being so spread out with these. You may not believe me, but I do look forward to writing here; it's relieving for me. But between work, fraternity matters, and schoolwork--it's hard to find time in between. And please, don't misconstrue those as being horrible things either. I'm very grateful for a paying job, being in a good school, and an awesome brotherhood. It's just that there isn't enough hours in the day.

Tonight, I'd like to talk about LIFE. I know, broad topic. Haha. But in all seriousness, I'd like to hone in on a general life philosophy that I try to abide by and remember.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”

--Charles R. Swindoll

I'm sure we've all faced situations where things didn't seem fair or just. Perhaps someone did something to you that should've never occured. Or on the flipside, maybe someone wasn't there when you needed them most. I don't think anyone will disagree that we are wronged, quite possibly on a regular basis. Unfortunately, the majority of people will use this disappointment or what have you, as a crutch. They either use it as a scapegoat for any failure on their behalf or they defer blame and accept defeat.

The fact is, as much as I hate to say it, what happened, is exactly that--happened. (Now don't get too nitpicky on the grammar there,) That little "-ed" at the end of the word denotes a past tense. And what's in the past is past. We could spend all day saying what it  "should have been" or what it "could have been," but unless you've discovered a feasible method of time travel(in which case, you're wasting your time reading this blog...), there's nothing left to say. All we can do from here is move forward and try to mend whatever injuries we've sustained along the way.

There's a reason why the rearview mirrow is smaller than the windshield, it'd be hazardous the other way around.

It's not healthy to live in the past, but it's important that we recognize its significance in shaping us into who we are today. I just urge you to learn to let go and start making strides in the right direction. In line with my car analogy, if life is a car we're at the wheel of, then that is all we have the wheel of. You never know what life will throw at you or who else is on the road, we're merely in charge of our "car" and ours alone. Yeah, sometimes our cars break down and we need help, sometimes we get into accidents, and sometimes we get lost. But never, think that we can't do anything about it. Take a defense driving course, invest in a particular part of your "car" to avoid future issues, and buy a GPS.

Life is sucky at times, I'm not suggesting it's all gumdrops and rainbows...cause I don't care much for either of those to begin with. But we all have stuff we deal with on a daily basis, some worse than others. Just don't let the external variables make you forget that they are still external, and that we have an internal component as well.

Night, folks.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


{Here's the song I'm using to soundtrack tonight's post: Moment I Said It}

So, guys, in case you didn't know, I got a haircut. There were a few reasons for the new "do"(Do people even use that phrase anymore? "Do"? Is it even being used properly? I just stared at that sentence for a minute, but it seems appropriate.) Yeah, it sucked that my hair was hard to maintain or style, just the way I liked it. There was also a lot of it, which means more hair in my face or other random places. And if it got messed up, which it so often did, I'd be stuck wearing a hat. 

Leading up to the haircut was quite a nervewrecking experience. You'd think that I, a pretty logical and rational individual, would be aware that I had nothing to lose with a shot at something different. I mean, hair does grow back. This is nothing new. But I learned that a change as small as: what kind of haircut should I get, can be very similar, emotionally and mentally, as any major change...

We all have a certain comfort zone that we've gotten acclimated to. So when this prospect of change comes up--we hesitate, we stress, we overthink, we don't sleep, etc. It consumes us, more or less depending on the degree of change.  We start to wonder whether the change we were confident about is really worth the risk of it potentially backfiring and going contrary to what we wanted. We pursue the upsides in our heads at full speed, until we catch a glimpse of the possible downsides. Continuing with the haircut as an analogy, we wonder if maybe we come out of it looking worse and regretting taking that chance. Perhaps we're better off playing it safe, but then the curiousity of this "what-if" will return and continue to grow, metaphorically dragging us to a fork in the road where more often than not, we take the tried and true route, even if the other option may hold something better.

In life, our decisions can be broken down pretty simply. We can keep the training wheels on and ride comfortably. It might not be as enjoyable, but maybe, for right now, we're alright with that. Or we could chance a scraped knee or two with the prospect of being freed and unhindered. The bruises gathered along the way won't be pleasant at first, but they are temporary. After all the falling and crashing is done though, you can ride faster and more liberated than before. And when that happens, those temporary pains will be long gone from your head.

Maybe we examine the prospect of change when we feel that we aren't fully content. We seek the means to grant us that fulfillment in whatever area of our life that is--be it hairstyle, fashion, hobbies, future, career, relationships, etc. But if we refuse to leave our comfort zone, than we can never truly know. Until that step into the dark has been tried, you cannot know if you'd be happier. That is not to say that every move for a change will be a better one, but at the very least, it'll reinforce your confidence in that which you had already discovered. In my opinion, life's a lot more fun and exciting when you take a chance or two. Not only will you learn a thing or two about others, but you'll learn even more about yourself.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Sophmore year of college has commenced. I've been pretty overwhelmed this summer with mad stuffs. The one upside, I started a Tumblr. Sorry Blogger, I'm not cheating per se--merely suggesting we see what all is out there!

Either way, let's not be petty. I'm back and hoping for a more fruitful semester of blogging. As things are, this year is shaping up to be pretty BALLIN'.  Classes are a'ight, got all my brothers and friends at school now, sweet suite, and my car is on campus.

Although, I will say that this past weekend was quite an adventure...but you can ask me about that one in person. Either way, I plan on joining a gym that offers MMA classes, complimentary. Yet, another plus. Now I just have to figure out my major, and we'll call it a truly monumental year.

Seeing as this was merely, a re-introduction and an unveiling of my Tumblr(which I'll try and co-manage as well), I'll leave it at this.